by Dr. Fred
My wife and I traveled out-of-state this weekend to attend a gathering of friends and family. If you want to know which state we went to, I’ll refer you to the NSA as I’m sure they have all the details.
At any rate, while at the event, it was interesting to note that there were a number of small children in attendance. That was to be expected, but the one thing I have never been able to get used to is how young parents today treat their children. They appear to me to have no clue at all how to raise kids.
At one point, a dad was telling his three-year-old son to do something. He wasn’t ordering the boy, nor was he using a gruff tone. He simply made a statement to the son, which the son dutifully ignored.
The dad looked over at us and with a sheepish grin and shrug said in our direction, “Doesn’t he listen well?” Insert knowing chuckling here.
No, the son didn’t listen well and most young children that boy’s age do not listen well today (or any day for that matter). For too many children today, it is all about seeing what they can get away with and how far they can push something. All children in every generation do this. It is up to the parent(s) to set the limits and keep them by not being manipulated by the child.
Shortly after the son chose not to listen to Dad (Dad responded by simply walking away to do something else, choosing to ignore the fact that his son had just ignored him), the young boy decided how much he liked the echo the room made. So he chose to begin emitting a shrill “barking” noise, which obviously pleased him, but annoyed adults in the room.
Dad, who was on the other side of the room by this point, looked over at this son and said, “Timmy (not his real name), stop that.”
Guess what? Timmy did not stop that. Instead, Timmy looked over at me and apparently thought I would appreciate the noise he was making it. I barely glanced up and gave him “the look” that my father had given me at times. Almost instantly, Timmy – though he didn’t stop making the noise – grew much quieter. The “look,” by the way was not anger or “I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop that!!” The “look” is simply a very basic, serious look done without blinking. It is a “you need to stop doing that” look that is universally understood among young children and within the animal kingdom. The fact that Timmy responded to it told me he understood what it meant. Had I smiled at him instead, he would have taken this as a sign to continue barking loudly. Timmy isn’t stupid.
So, Timmy walked toward Dad now (with back to me) resuming his “barking” noise at original decibel level. Dad told Timmy to stop again and Timmy ignored again. Since I was no longer in his line of sight, he could pretend I wasn’t there at all.
Then Timmy turned and headed back over to me and toward the front door to go out. As he did so, Timmy cocked his head back so that he was now staring at the ceiling. He could then make his original noise without looking at me as if his back was toward me when it wasn’t.
Dad then called Timmy back to him, so Timmy did obey but as he did so, he barked full decibel on his way back to Dad. After he had taken about four steps, he stopped barking and turned to me with a smile. I just continued the “look” as Dad seemed weary from trying to get Timmy to obey.
Too many parents today believe that if they become angry (or insistent) with their kids, it’s a sign of their failure. That’s garbage. People become angry with other people in society and it does not necessarily mean failure. Anger is not a sign of failure or weakness. It can actually be a good thing at times. Jesus got angry. Need I say more?
This morning, we woke in our hotel to the sounds of another child in the room next door who was obviously working his dad to get what he wanted. If he wasn’t yelling to be heard, he was “crying.” This prompted Dad to try any number of moves to placate son. Nothing worked. He no sooner stopped crying then he started doing what sounded like throwing his body against the walls. Dad’s response: “Okay, you need to stop that” in a seeming monotone.
We ate breakfast in the lobby and another family was there with their young kids in tow. Apparently, the waitress was so enamored with the young boy that she decided to teach him shapes for breakfast. “Is this a circle, Bobby (not his real name)?” “What is this shape?”
I saw the parents looking as though they wanted school to be over and the slightly older sibling – a young girl – seemed agitated possibly because she wasn’t get the same level of attention.
What is the problem today with children? Well, the first problem has to do with parents, who seem completely unable to know how to raise children. They have been so bombarded with the idea that they need to instill within their children a sense of well-being that apparently comes only through a level of “self-esteem,” that they are raising children who have become the center of that family’s world.
There is a HUGE difference between self-esteem and being self-centered. A healthy self-esteem teaches children to understand that they are not more important than parents or adults in the room. It teaches them that there is a natural pecking order in life and society and that in order to have a healthy self-esteem, children cannot be catered to at every turn.
When “Timmy” wouldn’t listen to Dad, instead of Dad sheepishly saying, “He listens well, doesn’t he?”, it’s really a simple matter of going to the child, taking him by the hand and showing him that when the parent speaks, the child obeys. This doesn’t mean that the parent must berate, challenge, swear at, belittle, or do anything else that could be destructive to that child’s healthy development. It simply means that if the child is not obeying, either he does not understand what he is being asked to do or doesn’t want to do it. In either case, he needs help understanding the expectations placed on him. That help comes by showing him what needs to be done.
When parents fail to do what is necessary, they are not creating children with good self-esteem. They are creating NARCISSISTS and society already has way too many of those types of people.
Author Brad Bushman states it this way:
“Self-esteem basically means you’re a person of worth equal with other people…Narcissism means you think you’re better than other people.”
Timmy is – unfortunately – being taught that he is better than other people because when Dad tells him to do something, Timmy knows he does not have to comply…like “other” people would comply. There are no negative consequences for Timmy leading Timmy to believe he can do whatever he wants.
“Bushman, a father of three, says his research has changed his own parenting style. ‘I used to think my children should be treated like they were extra-special. I’m careful not to do that now,” he says. ‘It is important to express warmth to your children because that may promote self-esteem, but overvaluing them may promote higher narcissism,’ which can lead to higher levels of aggression and violence.” (emphasis added)
So it would appear that it is not spanking (or disciplining) the child leads to aggressive and/or violent behavior. It is actually the absence of good, solid discipline with very clear parameters that tends to create that. Who knew? (My parents certainly knew that.)
Gee, why would there be a connection between narcissism and more aggression and violence? Solely due to the fact that people who think they are better than other people do not believe they answer to the same set of laws that those “other” (common) people do.
Our children are special, yes. But they are really no better than any other individual in society. They need structure. They need to know they have parents who create that structure and will stand by it. They need to know that they cannot manipulate Mom and Dad into doing what they (children) want them to do. They are not the boss. Mom and Dad are the boss. Yet, in too many households today, the children rule the roost. They have Mom and Dad twisted in knots and running in circles.
What children learn at a very young age will either allow or disallow them to become people of quality in society. They will learn to work with other people instead of thinking that they can lord it over others. What they learn has worked as young children will be exactly what they expect from everyone in society as they get older.
Too many parents today seem to have absolutely no clue about how to raise children. They think it means if they don’t give the child what the child wants all the time, they will destroy the child’s self-esteem. No, by actually giving into kids all the time, the parents ARE destroying the child’s self-esteem by creating a self-centered outlook, which is what creates narcissism.
I don’t think we need to go back to “children should be seen and not heard” because that is very destructive. Certainly, we never used that approach with our children. What we need is for today’s parents to understand that there is a HUGE difference between having a healthy self-esteem and being completely self-centered.
This is a big reason why society is as bad off as it is today. With more and more people believing they (or their “group”) deserves more/better in society, they are creating factions in society that work against ALL of society. Disorder and chaos is the result.
It’s just what the globalists ordered.
Article reposted from www.ForTruthsSake.com with permission.