By Dr. Jim Garrow
Imagine that there is a new airborne virus which takes a normal, lucid, fully-functioning patriotic American and turns their mind into banana yogurt. Is this a condition that is infecting the nation at the moment? I’m not sure, but upon investigation and application of the scientific method, we notice that there are more and more people exhibiting symptoms associated with The Stupido Virus.
As a public service, we feel it is urgent that we bring the public up to speed on those exhibiting the very disturbing character changes brought on by this incipient and dangerous illness.
Firstly, there is an almost euphoric sense of well-being, very much like a drug user who seems “out of it,” slightly inebriated but happy. There is a casual (at first) but increasing belief that “hope and change” might not be all bad. Once this manifests itself, it’s not long before the patient sits for hours at a time watching news story after news story, hoping to catch a glimpse of President Obama. Tears are often present when the President is viewed.
The syndrome gets scary when you realize your loved one thinks that Bath House Barry’s words are to be believed, that the rise and fall of the oceans has been stopped and that race no longer matters. At this point, there is a very real danger of the patient turning violent and aggressive in maintaining that any questioning of the President is an indicator of racism. The delusional belief that Obama is black is taken as a given, like the “settled science” of climate change.
Proceed with caution when the early symptoms are viewed, because a quick descent into false reasoning is the common next stage in the downward spiral. For example, the patient will have a vehement belief that you can save money by spending money that you do not have. They may also try to stop breathing in abeyance to the belief that carbon dioxide (which we exhale) is destroying the atmosphere and will lead to our deaths. Call a physician immediately if this occurs!
An attempt at suicide may be the next on the agenda. Whole nations have succumbed to variants of The Stupido Virus, and have signed away their fortunes and futures. Isolating the patient, turning off all left wing news programming, and especially ensuring that no installments of Oprah or The View are available will help to stabilize the patient and prevent attempts at suicide.
There is hope for your loved one, however. The effects of The Stupido Virus can be reversed. An extended period away from mainstream media offerings, prime time television, left wing websites and university coffee shops will ultimately lead to a reversal of symptoms.
One must be on guard for re-infection, though; like chicken pox and shingles, the Stupido Virus has the potential to recur in an even more pernicious incarnation if left wing influences are not judiciously avoided for the remainder of one’s lifetime.